Diary of a Chapter Leader

I think it's whack

It has been an interesting week. Why did I say interesting? I think my vocabulary has diminished. It wasn't interesting is was crappy. And I take complete responsibility for it. I spent a week obsessing about the gosho study meeting. I liked the gosho, but couldn't figure out how to present it. So I studied, and studied. I read the entire gosho, two chapters from the Lotus Sutra, some of the Living Buddhism magazine with PI's lecture and tried to watch the SGI study prep lecture. The study prep lecture was unwatchable this time. I chanted some, but stressed more. I don't know why this got me so screwed up.

So the day of the study arrives and the same people show up that always show up and who haven't even read the gosho excerpt in the magazine. Here comes my negativity. So I do some background and my daughter Leia reads the long passage. Now it's my turn to talk about reality and wisdom. No way I'm going to talk about "Substituting faith for wisdom." So I do my part. (It was not up to my usual standards) Then the next presenter, a school teacher, talks about reality and wisdom. Hey there is my negativity again. Then we had to cut her off because she just couldn't get to the point and finish. Then the last guy asks each member what they think about the gosho and they talk about nothing. So much talking, but does anyone care? Why do we pretend that anyone cares about studying Nichiren's writings? I bet if we called it Pres. Ikeda study, they'd show up. Look my negativity is back.

I talked to a member / leader I have known longer than I have been practicing. He kept telling me not to worry about it. He basically said very few members come to study and that is their loss. Apparently I didn't listen. But even the ones who come seem to come out of obligation. There is no discussion because no one really understands. The discussion happened when we planned the meeting. Maybe we should just have the planning meeting and forget about presenting it.

These is a gosho study every month. This time I am trying to get several people from San Jose to come down for the meeting and have a round table where we discuss the gosho and the others can listen. I'll let you know what happens.

Virtual Reality in the Virtual World

Several months ago I decided to join Facebook. I asked my daughter to put up a page for me. Now, I could do it, but I just didn't want to. Right away, the minute my page went live, a friend of Greg's was asking to be friends. I don't know how he knew I was on, but he was my first friend. Then I became virtual reality friends with some ninjas and a classmate. Then some of my brother-in-law's friends added me and some people from FWP and a few SGI members. That went along for awhile, but it seemed I was missing the point of this tool. So I started looking for people. I found one of my cousins. I have four cousins from my father's side of the family. We were not close after we grew up. Two months ago we get word that another cousin has been in a terrible accident (driving drunk on a mountain road) and was in a coma.
This news and using Facebook and email to communicate to get info was new, but very effective. My goal was to get the cousins together. I have a good relationship with my brother, but the cousins were not talking to each other. I made a goal to get everyone back together. I chanted about it for a few days and then other things came up and I hadn't given it much thought when a message from my cousin shows up, he said his family had come full circle because of his brother (the Coma Cousin). I was shocked. I asked him to clarify. He decided to contact Coma Cousin when he was released from the hospital. Coma Cousin was a changed man. Divorcing his wife, new girlfriend and wanting to connect with his family. Then a friend request form Coma Cousin. I had looked for him on Facebook, but didn't find him. He found me.
After becoming virtual reality friends with Coma Cousin, I started reading his posts. 15 days in a coma and 30 days in ICU. Stopped drinking, in pain, but happier than he has been in years. My goal was one step closer. I would read all the messages and info to my parents and they would pass it along to my brother. Then today... a friend request form a third cousin, the oldest. I was surprised when I saw the request. There smiling at me was my cousin, looking all happy. Another step closer to that family reunion. My oldest cousin lives in Las Vegas. Looking forward to a Vegas Reunion.

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling...

Rolling along. That's what has been happening for the last few months. Rolling from day to day, week to week. My birthday is Wednesday and the next Wednesday is the one year anniversary of Greg's passing. Some times it seems so long ago. Sometimes it seems he was just here. Not talking to him, about everything, that is what I miss the most. We talked everyday for almost 29 years. We bounced our ideas off each other. Sometimes he was the idea man and other times it was my idea. We talked Buddhism every day. We talked about what he was reading. We talked about what we were studying in SGI. We talked about how it applies to us. We would stand in the kitchen and talk. AS I have said many times before - now I can't have an intelligent conversation about Buddhism.

Last week I was visited by two friends. She is always the first person I call. We have a very good relationship. He was Greg's guy - Mr. Study in the local organization. If Greg had a mentor in SGI, it was this guy. She is the heart and he is the mind. I trust both of them and was very honest about my situation. Finally, an intelligent conversation... about me!

Greg and I have been asked countless times why we stay in the SGI. We talked about it often. Everyone on this forum started in the SGI. We all got our start in the SGI. I have some points of contention with the SGI, but leaving hurts me more than staying. How do you affect change by leaving? Don't know.

So, back to my visit. These people I have known my entire practice, they are why I won't leave the SGI. These two friends took the time to drive an hour down to me just to check in. How cool is that. They checked out this site before they came to get an idea of what's up. The last thing I posted was an outline of last month's gosho study. I was asking for input, but didn't get much. So from that they offered to help me with my study meetings - every month. That would be so nice. The study meetings are all on me. Well, some of that is because I don't like members presenting when they haven't studied the material. Just reading out of the magazine doesn't cut it my study meeting! So I watch the study prep on-line, read the entire gosho and then spend a couple of weeks talking to myself about it. This last Saturday I put on a great study meeting and I only started studying Friday night. It helps that these gosho are all written about the same time and about the same thing.

So after my home visit, I am feeling much less alone in the organization.