Phantom City

Charles Atkins

It has been many moons since I have written here at FWP. To all of my readers, I apologize. As some of you are aware, I have been in self-imposed exile – a seclusion of the most thorough and reflective kind. I owe it to all of you, to share my story, and with your help, get back into the flow of things. Sharing the power and beauty of the Lotus Sutra, and the wonders of the eternal Buddha, Shakyamuni, is the most important aspect of my life

There have been many times over the past six months that I have wanted to share what has transpired, but a voice inside me has over-ridden that impulse, stressing  the time was not right and that I was not yet ready to share such intimate details of my very real drama that was actually a life or death struggle.

Please let me stop here until tomorrow, when I can share in detail the psychological and yes, physical pain, of love’s oft merciless whipping post and the feeble hope of cessation. Until tomorrow, thanks you, my dear friends and wise readers. I am wounded but the scars are healing. I’m wiser, but I’ve been humbled. I’m stronger, but as weak as a starved man left to die in the desert of desire. I’m back. I am back.

This morning, I saluted the Eternal Buddha and offered thanks for myriad benefits that have emerged from my life. The synchronic pulse of abundance compels me to share what wonders have unfolded. In the face of bitter turmoil and challenge, the synergy generated by faith and practice have opened new, dynamic portals to mission and –personal accomplishment.
Just a few short months ago, reason dictated that I end my ten-year marriage to perhaps, the most capable and amazing woman I have ever known. Moreover, she was my life-mate and the only woman I have ever truly loved. The decision to go our separate ways was agreed upon mutually. Being twenty-three years senior to one’s mate posses unique challenges, but it had nothing to do with our break-up. The exact reasons for the break-up are not important in light of the fact that each of us still loves each other and has agreed to provide support wherever possible until the dust settles and our individual paths become certain. My experience of dissolution quickly confirmed that when one door closes, another one opens up. Now successful in my dual careers of restaurant manager and writer, my financial circumstances afford me the ability to make my former partner’s transition far more comfortable than it might have been. I feel responsible for the welfare of her and her nearly fifteen year old son, who I helped raise from the age of four.
When the decision to separate was made, I was on the brink of signing the largest writing contract of my career. I used to spit out $100 resumes for decades, but this project was a very lucrative career maker. I love ghostwriting and I’m damn good at it. This will be the third book I have ghostwritten. Fifty-hour work weeks at the restaurant, a commitment to work another forty hours a week on the writing project, ending a marriage, and moving, was the perfect storm of physical exertion, pressure, and distraction. Turning to the Gohonzon, I beseeched the Buddhist gods of the universe to guide me through this challenging time.
Immediately, and with a synchronicity like a lucky streak in sports or gaming, fascinating phenomena emerged. Out of the blue, I was offered an office suite with spacious living quarters in a quiet old office building one block from my work and downtown central in Urbana, Illinois. Where I am is on the fringe of what is known as campus town, a bustling center of youthful spirit, intellectual integrity, and liberal nuttiness. I was shocked when the building owner insisted on totally remodeling the suite, refusing a security deposit, and lowering the rent for the first few months, then charging me a below market rate. He did this because of his friendship and trust in me, and because he had gone through a similar experience some years before. Not only did I acquire a beautiful place to live and work, it’s zoned for business and one block from the public library. I have always been of the opinion that what appears to be a benefit needs to be respected, cultivated, and fully realized or one can take that opportunity or fortuitous circumstance and through negligence, stupidity, and a host of other foolish, undisciplined acts, take that benefit and turn it into a loss. Greed, anger, and stupidity can destroy any good fortune if you allow yourself to take a favorable situation for granted, get lazy, or make impulsive decisions. My approach has been ultra conservative – to immerse myself in my work, on a tight schedule, spending next to nothing, avoiding all social activities until the project is in the can, and most importantly, connecting with the Gohonzon on the most intimate level of my life.
To be frank, I don’t know how it will be possible to write two books in 90 days. Yes, you read that right, I am to ghostwrite two books in three months. Ambitious yes! Foolish, maybe. Possible? Possibly, but I don’t know because I’ve never done it. I’m well on the way now, and it is the biggest professional challenge of my career. I have always been prolific. There have been days where I have churned out 10,000 words in a sitting, with about 1000 words being my average. When you take a 1000 or so first draft words then edit them, the copy may shrink to 250-300 of gold, or in some cases gold-clad pig metal. There are times when I get my 1000 words and find out that its not worth two shits in a jeweled chamber pot. Add into that process fact checking, spell checks, on-the-spot research, actual contemplation, and you find that time has seriously gotten away from you. Pure writing is a form of trance – absorption or rapture in the ten worlds, with whatever mutually possessed ten worlds that you bring to the writing desk. The original trance is the same mind state of a painter, the musician, the athlete, the scientist, the lover. There are times when writing is more akin to hard work with a major hangover. Fortunately, I was a born writer who does so as naturally as walking. If someone were to ask me what I am, I would say “I am a writer.” A writer is someone who expounds or creates, even if no one reads a word they’ve written. For many, their audience are the gods or the universe. With the internet, any bozo can speak to the world. Good for them, but it wasn’t always that way.
The beauty and heroic nature of the project that I am working on is that the subject deals with the obstacles that I am facing. Understanding the essence of the subject will be proof positive of its veracity, and I am augmenting the final crystallization of that book. There is scant little that I can actually tell you about the subject and when it is finally published, I will never acknowledge that I wrote it, nor will I divulge who the author of record is. But I can tell you that the book incorporates the latest research and application of visualization and intention to enable people with any type of problem to redesign their lives. The book utilizes ancient wisdom including the wisdom of Buddhism. The author of record, after reading my books, began to chant daimoku and has been doing so for months. I never encouraged this person to chant, and have only answered questions on the nature of daimoku when asked.
Life is full of opportunities, crossroads, set-backs, and transitions. Nichiren was perfectly clear in how we should meet with the trials and tribulations of life. We should meet obstacles head on with daimoku and confidence. The Lotus Sutra is the basis of our life and the mighty wand, that when waved, makes all adversity eventual victory, and all benefit eternal. This is not only the promise of Buddhism – it is the manifest truth of the Lotus Sutra.

In the Lotus Sutra – no! – Throughout all of the Buddhist sutras, Shakyamuni speaks of freedom from outflows, the danger of desire, and the perils of attachment.
Attachment is found in our connection with people, possessions, and circumstances. How can one live and not acquire a sense of attachment? We love and develop a sense of attachment to others, especially our own existence. We live and acquire things that matter to us. We hope and long for certain outcomes. From these connections, we form attachment and when there is change – and change is inevitable, we suffer.
Namu-myoho-renge-kyo can enable us to enjoy our relationship with loved ones, possessions, and our hopes without becoming a victim to the certainty of change. Relationships go up and down and end. Loved one’s die, fall ill, or become estranged. Prized possessions wear out, are lost, stolen, or have to be sold. Our current situation is in a constant state of change. Dreams for the future quite often don’t work out the way we intended. All of these changes and losses are a source of suffering unless we become grounded in the power of Namu-myoho-renge-kyo. With daimoku, one can awaken to the truth that change is constant and to hold on, only leads to more suffering. Easier said than done.
Certain sects state that our earthly desires equal enlightenment and then urge their members to practice what has been humorously termed “gimmie Buddhism,” of chanting for all kinds of things like money, possessions, and specific circumstances. It’s not even strange for members to chant for drugs or sex, or for whatever thing they feel will satisfy them. I did this myself long ago, and have no regrets about it – the universe is utterlly impartial. In certain sects, there is no understanding or perhaps distinction between targeted prayer that specifies a certain result and open-ended prayer that makes one open to whatever the universe can provide. Maybe this is so because the science that has studied and compiled data on non-specific and open-ended prayer is only about twenty years old. It is my opinion that equating desire with acquisition of personal “things” is a misreading of the concept of earthly desires equal enlightenment. Instead, it should mean that those latent desires that we possess should drive us toward deeper faith, not more acquisition. Is it wrong to pray for things? I would say that we are conditioned to believe that it is natural to pray for things and in some cases it is the right thing to do, but as a general rule, non-specific or attatched prayer is supreme. However, my belief is that when we pray for things we are only spinning the wheel of more desire, not channeling innate desire into wisdom or contentment. I agree that as believers that the right way to conduct oneself is to desire little and be grateful for what we have.
Regarding attachment, when we have appreciation for those we love and what little we have without clinging, we move closer to the Buddha’s ideal of being free from that which leads to suffering from inevitable loss.

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